Saturday, July 30, 2005

Batshit crazy

Want to know a pretty likely indicator that the sun is slowly setting on the Republican legacy? When they start returning to the conspiracy theories and insane narratives within their own heads.

Then again, I guess that's always been so. But it seems to be building in intensity again of late, now that the November champagne is getting a little stale.

FROM CRAZY (From frothing conservative pundit, Hugh Hewitt): For a nation that is the midst of a poker craze, you would think that by now most would have figured out that President Bush isn't the sort of character who calls "All In" twice a month. Rather, he plays his hands well, wins most of the time, and watches as his opponents throw down cards in disgust and walk away. True enough, Bush hasn't brought home Social Security reform, and Democratic obstruction on that and a host of other issues will be part of the campaign in '06. Bush knows that his place at the table goes on for three and half more years. But he keeps piling up win after win. When the "legacy" detectives come 'round in '09 and thereafter, they won't be struggling --as they have been with Clinton-- to find anything of note."

...TO CRAZIER (From the conservative blog Colossus): A lot of attention is being paid to the new ABC TV Show, Commander in Chief, featuring Geena Davis as an accidental president. But a lot of people (OK, me) are saying that this show is a nefarious plot to advance the notion of a Hillary Clinton presidency. The thought is that if we, the submoronic television viewers, get used to seeing a woman president on TV, we'll be more inclined to vote for one in 2008."

...TO CRAZIEST (Read at Tom Tomorrow): Apparently a guest on Fox News has suggested that the innocent man shot by London police may have been an al Qaeda decoy... There are times when I really don't know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe next someone will suggest that the taxi driver known only as Dilawar tortured himself to death, to make the U.S. look bad."

Hugh Hewitt makes me laugh. It's clear he either just finished watching The Cincinnati Kid or Celebrity Poker Showdown before he sat down to write that post. Unfortunately a mountain of poker metaphors can't save you from what is undeniably a pretty thin lie.

So you say Democrats are to blame for the minimal support from the public on Bush's Social Security reform (I honestly wonder when blaming the Democrats for every asinine Republican fuck-up will ever end)?

Here's the truth. The people didn't want it, Hugh. They weren't interested, no matter how many Bamboozlepalooza rallies Bush tried to throw in their towns. And legacies? Given that Bush's legacy thus far has been 400 billion in deficit spending, 1700+ American sons and daughters dead in a pointless, inflaming war and a terrorist threat that's more vigorous than ever, I wouldn't say the sonuvabitch's legacy is anything to crow about.

Or maybe it'd more digestible if I stick to the poker analogy: Bush won one good round in November and has been trying to bullshit his way through a stream of bad hands ever since. If it were his money, that'd be one thing. But a growing majority of Americans are getting sick of him gambling away our future.

If I were Bush or the Republican party, I'd be damn nervous right now about what cards get dealt in 2006.

Nervous enough, I'd wager, to start ranting like a batshit lunatic about conspiracies and evil Democrats.


Blogger Kid said...

As Tupac would say

"Break out the champagne glasses and muthafuckin condoms."

Saturday, July 30, 2005 2:12:00 AM  
Anonymous The Colossus said...

I was shooting for craziest . . . Better luck next time, maybe.

Saturday, July 30, 2005 8:37:00 PM  

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